You are beautiful as you are

Life has been pretty smooth recently. It's been so long since I stepped in here.

3 months after lessons ceased, I only started writing my resume last week and applied for a job. I got my first application and interview done last week and signed contract yesterday. I guess I'm quite blessed because everything seems very smooth and planned. I am really thankful with what I have right now and the people around me who never stop supporting and motivating me. I will be starting my training class in 3 weeks time, provided my pass will be approved at the mean time as well.

Can't wait to start work, meet new friends and learn new things! EGGCITED.

I am sure there will be small humps along the road, but I am always ready with my vehicle to drive over the imperfect humps.

Be grateful in life, people.

Momentary

Brunei was definitely fun. Although it was short 3 weeks only, I have to admit it was fruitful and interesting. During this trip, I realized the importance of having friends around and not to forget, family too. No matter what happen, you must not neglect your friends and family because they will always be there for you under any circumstances.

Everything is so vague right now and I dare not to make any moves. I am currently doing nothing here, just hoping for the good news after the submissions. It is so hard to rest my mind it keeps running non stop fretting about future. What can you do when you only have this much? Not much. I can only make full use of what I am left with. What to do? Life is tough.

Anyway, while waiting for everything, I think I should really relax first. There's no point rushing everything when you are not given with good options nor make right decision, right?

Alright, gotta head down to cinema for a movie now. xoxo!

I am awesome

This truly is inspiring.

How to be alone - Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that communitie's not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

It's just like a tree with plentiful of apples

Love these?
Check them out here: Soul and Eu Amo Vintage in Facebook.


I had two productive days on Thursday and Friday. I've had one of my wisdom teeth pulled and it was not bad after all. I thought it would be as bad as those situations mentioned in the forums. The wait took 3 hours in total and all the cleaning, explanations and extraction of wisdom tooth took half an hour. Registration fee and extraction cost $3 only! It was a three-legged tooth it's so awesome! I was told to go back on Monday to extract another one again. I coloured and had a hair cut at the salon and not forgetting painted my nails in the afternoon. Everything was done for $80. Things are really cheap back here. One of the things I love about Brunei. During the night, I went to watch movie with friends and catch up with them. Everything was done in a day, I feel so productive! Stayed over at Jane's and we had 2 photoshoot sessions the next day. 

I love everything, except for the sun burns. My shoulders are badly hurt and they feel hot. Right shoulder is redder than the left one, uneven skin tones. However, all of these are worth doing it. I never realized I wasn't that dark as I thought until yesterday.

At least I had good times in Brunei this year.
Love it. :)

There are more to this

I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAVE NOT WATCHED BURLESQUE, LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS AND BLACK SWAN!

Hey mister!

 

SO CUTE. How can you not love this kid?

I made him buy me this toy flower during valentine's day. Didn't want real roses because toy flower is able to last forever, rather than wilt and die.

He might not be the most romantic guy in the world, but he is the most loving, generous, honest and logical person I have ever met. 

:)

A reminder to you, and myself

Don't be sad if that person doesn't initiate to call or text you so often like how he always does last time; Because he might be busy with his important stuffs. Be understanding and you will come to realize that everyone has their own priorities and they've gotta do what they have to do. And fret not, he might be thinking of you all the time you might not know.

Don't be disappointed when you don't hear any sweet or caring words from that person as before; You would rather hear it once in a while where he really means it and comes from heart than hearing it everyday that becomes a norm, and then numb.

Don't give up if that person doesn't contact you for few days too because like I said, priorities. He might be thinking of you and flashing back all the memories every hour to a point that he thinks he's talking and spending time with you every minute, mentally. Be understanding, generous and forgive him for his forgetfulness, carelessness, being insensitive and care-free. Let that person be himself once in a while, without having any obligations to meet your harsh expectations all the time.


L E T   L O O S E .


This sounds quite optimistic and I would like to stick to that mindset right now. Not being in denial, brainwash myself but to be matured and a better person.  Of course, to maintain a better relationship as well.

I know harsh reality and ridiculous me will kick in anytime soon but for god's sake I need to be as logical as possible. As much as I want to rant and vent, I have to be cool.



Happy holiday everyone!

Don't ever look back

Changed my blog layout few hours ago. Take note that there is no tagboard at the side anymore as there were a lot of unknown spammers leaving random messages and trying to advertise their sites. It annoys me, very much. Any words for me? Just drop it at the comment section after every post. Thank you. (:

I guess I will blog more often nowadays, obviously I've nothing much to do in Brunei. Yay? Just FYI, I'm quite active in twitter and I update almost everyday. If you're a stalker of mine, you know where to find me, @SusanLiew!

 

 

 

 

 

I really love this app from iPhone, it's called LomoLomo! It gives photos more effects and they are really gorgeous!

What's new?

 
   
   
   
I'm back in Brunei, most probably settling for a month only. I'm so used to Singapore that I need some time to get used to my own house here. Things changed a little and I get confused with itty-bitty stuffs around the house. I didn't know where to turn on my shower and I forgot the switch to own my light. Most of all I don't even have my own room anymore because my new maid is sleeping on my bed and the whole room is practically like hers. Feel much foreign in this house right now. My dad has been rearing chickens and the compound really looks very much like a kampung now, not to mention the smell as well! I think I've transformed to a city girl and I find all these are kinda eeky to me. 

This is only the first day and I'm looking forward to spend my days in the kingdom of unexpected boredom, Brunei. 

I miss the people in Singapore now, especially dou dou! 
 

Rainbows after rain

Regrets:
1) I got A for my first test in one of my modules. Then I got C+ for the second test. Major jump. I regretted for not taking leave of absence (LOA) that day so that I don't have to take the test hence it won't affect and pull my previous grade down. I should have listened to my friend. Cheat way but at least I could maintain my grade.

2) I was falling asleep in one of the tests and didn't really manage to finish the paper due to lack of time.

3) I had one of my papers left with 10 marks empty. Insufficient time, again.  

4) FYP. Our team didn't meet the user requirement of the project thus ended up with bullets and knives from the evaluators. 


I was very upset and disappointed in myself. Why are all these happening on me at this time? This is my last lap of poly, last chance to boost my GPA and I just had to screw things up. I blamed things for being such a bitch and not on my side. I blamed the papers and people for not beautifying everything that I am doing right now. I blamed for hindering me to meet my expectations. If there's expectation, there's disappointment, then regrets come after that. It's funny how expectations can affect oneself when you are the one who created it. When there are faults, we tend to blame others for causing this or that consequences, bombard them as if they deserve all the guilt. However after all the failures and reflections that I've done for the past few days, I realised that I should not to blame others but myself. I think I'm quite good at handling that right now. I've learned how to correct myself and think through every single process from the beginning when things go haywire.  

Corrections: 1) If I take LOA, I could have give that test a pass and maintain my grade. I shouldn't be so lazy to visit doctor and get mc, just for the sake of the grade. And although I didn't take LOA, I should have studied hard enough to answer the paper. Lack of knowledge.  

2) If I get enough sleep before the test, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE TEST. 

3) If I really know how to answer my paper, i could have done it fast and not to spend so much time on each question figuring how to solve it. Again, lack of knowledge.  

4) Teammate was stubborn. If I was stubborn enough to stop my teammate from developing further than required earlier ago, I guess we should be able to block the bullets and knives. We're asked to develop 2D games, and we added 3D games extra. Act smart. LOL. Now I know why is too much of GOOD is not good.
 
Oh well, what's done is done. No point mourning and keep harping about it. At least I've learned and acknowledge my mistakes. It's all the learning experience that counts isn't. Fuck the grades okay haha! I'll grow from it and fret not, I grew as a person! And I'm looking at the silver linings in everything right now! How great. :D FYP is over and I'm left with the final exams. I'm very determined to study hard for the last one right now. 

Wish me luck!