Life, as it is.

Life is really amazing be it good or bad, it totally amazes me all the time. 

Well at least to me. It's so amazing that someone can never fails ruining your day, your mood, brain, heart and plans when they belong to you. So vulnerable; so weak. At times we cannot control ourselves to do what we want to do and often influenced or affected by others, but at the same time, you yourself know that it's your own life. Life, paradox. 

So much to say so much to express too overwhelmed. I don't really know how to rephrase them into words. If I could, I would like to show y'all my heart and try to understand every single thing of me. I don't really wish to harp or repeat it again, because that will make me feel as if it just happened yesterday only. Forget is what I want right now. To sum up, what's right and what's wrong, I don't know anymore. Even though I know it's right to do this for the sake of myself, I will still consider the 'wrong' part and try whether it can be fixed again or not. But what's next? I lose myself. Where's my stand? What's my stand? I really don't know. 

I guess I'm having internal conflict within myself right now. Sounds pathetic, but that's true. I've decided not to hope for anything anymore. Not even expectations or happiness. Let it be, let it flow. Efforts? I guess not, I'm tired. That will then makes everyone happy, to do what they want to do. Hope for the best and everything will be fine and back to normal. Time will tell.

200 pounds beauty is me!

I believe you've seen this before in my facebook recently. I don't know why am I so proud of this photo. LOL. But if I have a chance to become like this, I don't think i would want to become one? OBVIOUSLY! Anyway, it was a joke of the day. Instead of being glam, prim and proper all the time, I shall let loose and have some fun. Life would be pretty easy and cheerful isn't? And I love to see people's reactions, either they are being confused whether it's real me or not, or their laughters and comments. Because those actually cheer me up! PS: If there's any guy who's willing to marry me even if I'm under this condition, I'll marry him too! HAHAHA!

I MUST!

3rd year 2nd semester officially starts today and this will be my last semester in RP! I'm already feeling bored before the lesson starts, tell me how to chiong and get A everyday? It's just so hard to be consistent! BUCK UP BUCK UP BUCK UP for a better GPA!

Cock up brainies

I'm sorry that I'm not a frequent blogger and that I always leave my blog dead. A lot of times I have things to share, but when I can blog, it's either I'm too lazy or suddenly blank. Anyway, Kuching trip was awesomely fun! I love the food there ttm and was very happy to meet my relatives after so long! Can't really believe September jet by that fast and it's October now. 

School's opening in a week and I'm not quite ready yet. Oh, I'm performing for Reflections- Muse, modern dance item end of this month. It was kinda last minute for me to join back because I didn't know my instructor actually blocked me into the dance already. Therefore I have to get back and catch up with the rest since performance is within a month! My muscles became weak and stamina deteriorated already after stopped dancing for about 4 months. I was quite surprised that everyone improved and yet I'm still at the same spot. Oh well. 

Results for previous semester is out. Yes, I didn't maintain, for the first time. Now I've really gotta buck up for the last semester and achieve at least GPA 3.8 or above to pull up my overall GPA, irregardless whether I'm going Uni or not. I must.
 
On the other hand, just a random thought down here; I can never see myself settling down with another person ever, be it now or in future. Because I can never trust anyone 100 percent fully at all. One thing about me: I always want to stay within my comfort zone, so whenever I have difficulties or obstacles, I will always want to run back to my comfort zone. Imagine if I were to fight or quarrel with my husband next time, I will definitely want to go back to my own home, to where my mom is. Yes believe me I will do that, no matter how old I am. Even now, everytime I quarrel with him, I will always want to go back to my place and just forget about it, about everything. I'm not a risk-taker person. I would rather be safe than taking any risk, or should I say, I would rather have nothing, than having something that hurts me or give me hell. Fuck you if you dis me, cuz that's just me. (: I won't say you're so ugly cuz your parents are ugly, cuz that's just you. So yea. Leave me alone. (: Maybe I really won't want to settle down, who knows right. I like it this way, do whatever I want and leave whenever I want to. Cuz there's no obligation, no commitment.