Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Confession [updated]

I need motivation to attend class, seriously, and dance training, rehearsals too. My laziness is killing me right now! >=( Sometimes i just feel very stressful, out of nowhere. Whenever I have my own expectations and targets towards certain things, I will always want and expect people to meet up my expectation, and not to forget, I myself have to meet up my own expectation too. For instance, in class. Whenever a problem statement is released and start with team discussion, I (or our team) usually will come out with a concept and brief solutions towards the problem statement. However, at the end of the day, the solutions and presentations of the team might not always meet up my expectation. Then, i'll be very disappointed and stressed. Feel it's worthless for giving out too much. I guess, i always expect people to understand what I'm trying to say and think, therefore he or she will then be able to provide the result that I expected. RP always insist process is more important than result. Yes I agree, but to a certain extent. Process is important, for yourself, as you are the one who learn it and absorb knowledge, once it's yours, it's yours; no one can steal it from you. However, to me, result is also very important too. It shows if you really understand or not, then come out with conclusions or results. Poor results or productions definitely will not satisfy me, at all! I think I have big ego, seriously. Impatient and a lot of pride too. Sometimes a sore-loser as well. =p somehow I just can't lose my face in a certain situation. "Si ai bin!" XD. I only do things that I'm good at it, or the things that I know, in other words, within my ability, then i'll go for it. If I don't even know about or suck at it, I won't touch it at all. For instance, I think I'm not good at singing, so for those who know and are close to me, knew that even if you take a knife and point at me, I die die also won't sing. I'm super indecisive too. Sometimes, I just can't make my own decision, don't know which is good or bad for me. and don't know what I want too! =( Anyway, just feel like nagging here. Mind me alrite. =) Had TENSION headache few days ago. my vision was very blur for few hours and dizzy. Brain muscles cramped and puked 2 times and oh ya, a while of tummy cramped too. =X.. Went to clinic and the doctor said it might due to over stress, lack of sleep or even because of tiredness too. haha. 活该!lalala~ I think, all these nag nag thingy are due to some "thunderstorms and lightnings" which keep on striking me recently, perhaps, suay-ness, till I can't tolerate anymore. =S arghh! oh well, that's me! I just can't be bothered la sometimes! feel like an internal war is happening inside my heart and brain.
>=( !
ki siao~!

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