She, my heart.

Few days ago, I told my brother to inform my mom to look out for Singapore registered companies in Brunei. Just one sentences, and she replied this: 

Dear Xian

I am sad. wondering why you are tired of living in Spore ? Any thing make you so up sad ? Your study ? Dom ?

Or you worried cant find a job there after school ?

Mama understand how you feel staying alone far away from home. Please take it easy, if there is a will, there is

a way. Mama believed you can cope every thing, over come when problem facing you. Please don't give pressure to yourself.

Yes, how i wish you can come back to Brunei to work if you can. That is what every parents wish their children can stay together, share the love, happiness. I can't ask too much from my children, I would be glad if two of you have a bright future any where any place, where you can have a better life, right.

Dear Xian, do not worry about papa, how how and me, we are doing well here. I will try my very very best to share all my love, whatever i can either to you or t t. Talk to me if you have any personal problem, mama is willing to hear from you.

Any way, i will start to pay attention for those Spore's Company here or ask people around for the job.

T T called me saying that he is going to Spore on 21/12. please ask $500 from him. Will bank in to your a/c next month.

Christmas is around the corner, how are you going to spent it ?

Good night, have a good sleep

Love always from mama

And following is what I replied her: 

Hi Mama, I'm so glad and appreciate that you're so understanding and there's no words I could use to describe my feelings right now. You're so generous and positive, how could I learn this from you? You take things and life easily although you had a lot of hiccups in life and yet, you're happy-go-lucky still! You have plentiful of love that never fails to give everyone, especially your children. You always cheer me up whenever I have or don't have problems. You don't question me much and never fail to let me have my own way of life. As a daughter, what else can I ask for more? I thought you would be happy if I were to go back to Brunei in future. I was quite surprised that you were sad as mentioned in the previous email. Well, I'm not quite sure as well. I guess Life just tires me up. Maybe I'm just not ready to face the future yet? I don't know. Perhaps I just want to be forever in your arm like a small little girl. :) No worries for what's going to be tomorrow, no worries for what will come to you next because you know someone out there will always going to shelter and protect you. Maybe I just miss that feeling again, feeling of being like a princess. haha! I know I am not supposed to do and behave like that at this age anymore. I've got to fight for myself, find my own life and not to depend on anyone. Nevertheless, I can't help but to feel this way. Anyway, I am not sure with everything yet. About the job hunting in Brunei, I just want to know what are the companies down there so that I can at least plan or visualize where should I place myself at next time. Thank you mom! I love you. Thanks for taking my shits all the time and still taking in right now as always. I know you love my shits as well! hehehehhehe! muahhhhhhhhh! Love, Your princess.

How understanding and lovely can she be? I am so proud to have her! (:

Going back

 
   
   
   
   
   
   
 
 

What do you do when you miss home? When you miss your past? I look through my photos again and again just to reminiscing them. I dearly miss Brunei a lot, a lot. Although shopping malls and crowds are not as exaggerating as Singapore, although the country is not as efficient as Singapore, not much of entertainment that can drives you crazy all day night long, Somehow, there is this unseen force makes me want to stay there. I guess it's my family, the environment and the pace there. So what if it is slow and boring? That could be your own definition. I would rather have a stress-free mind and my own pace to do what I want. I don't mind going back after graduation, even if it means settling down there. I'm serious. I'm tired.

Which direction?

To wait for changes to be better? Or to get something that is already good? Both are tough.

Reaching soon

3 more weeks to 2011 and whatever happened in 2010 have not really register in my brain yet. Time certainly jet by real fast! Christmas is around the corner. Town and shopping malls are lightened up with breathtaking lights and decorations. The only thing missing now is snow. I truly want to experience snow at least once in my life time. I love cold weather and would wish to play snow during winter. Somehow I think that Christmas is like an international festival for everyone and every race in the world. People really take Christmas seriously by putting up decorations everywhere. Be it any races, everyone is looking forward to Christmas. Hmmm. I thought it is a big thing for Christians only?

On the other hand, I am not enjoying this December though. Lessons are still going on till 17th and finally I've got 2 weeks holidays till 2rd Jan. 2 weeks is never enough for me, for everyone. Great, I've got FYP to complete too and I am still stuck! Sometimes I really wonder why did I even choose this course without fully understand what I am going to do throughout the 3 years. Sigh. Stress level maxxx! I really have no idea on my FYP. 

Oh, Dom and I have made an unbreakable vow yesterday; which we must run every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday for healthy purpose. As I mentioned before, I want to tone up, and achieve at least 52kg ! We're aiming to get rid of the muffin top!

I always thought Harry Potter was a boring story and movie. Few weeks ago, I went to watch Harry Potter's 7th movie, which is my first HP movie. Then Dom made me watched from the 1st till the latest one again. Now I understand why people are so crazy about HP. DUMBLEDORE DIED! :( Anyway I love the Weasley twins. They are so cute and handsome!

Alright, that's all for now. Wordy post I know. Class ended. Gotta run!

Won't do the same

Grenade, this song keeps running in my brain, before sleep and awake. I could listen to it whole day night long. I love how Bruno Mars presented the lyrics as if you could really relate them to yourself. I have been very persistent to go for jogs since last month but apparently I have not done once yet. It's either I have plans last minute or the weather is not doing me any justice. I got myself 2 shorts from Cotton On for runs two days ago. That is how badly I wanted to run/jog. Anyway, I am really going to run this evening. Well I just want to keep fit and tone up? Nothing's wrong with it because I realized I've been eating unhealthily everyday. Chillies, fried, meat, oily, fats and very little of veggies. I hate to see myself having lumps around my waist, even if it is just a small tyre. It's just unglam to me haha! Call me vain because I'm that conscious about myself. Especially looking at my fishball face on TEENAGE magazine! I wonder if it's the cameraman's fault or it's just me. By the way, catch me on TEENAGE magazine December's issue regarding Republic Poly! 

I think my dad's DNA is coming back in my body again. All the tempers, impatient and anal attitude and mindset, it's like 24 hours actively active! I get anal easily nowadays and I'm pretty sure it's not PMS's fault. Even if it's just a small thing being cocked up, it's a doomed day to me. I get very sensitive towards everything and feel disgusted by almost everything anytime any day with anyone. Miserable. 

I tend to see people's hidden agenda in everything they do and tell myself that they want something from you, not for good definitely. I'm not trying to be judgmental but I could foresee the fact! It's so obvious that I don't understand why some people just can't see it. Sometimes I think I don't really want peace because it's boring and have the intention to make some wars. It's like a love-hate thing. Something is wrong with me terribly. I think I have devil inside me. I think I need to start going to church. Bye.

Life, as it is.

Life is really amazing be it good or bad, it totally amazes me all the time. 

Well at least to me. It's so amazing that someone can never fails ruining your day, your mood, brain, heart and plans when they belong to you. So vulnerable; so weak. At times we cannot control ourselves to do what we want to do and often influenced or affected by others, but at the same time, you yourself know that it's your own life. Life, paradox. 

So much to say so much to express too overwhelmed. I don't really know how to rephrase them into words. If I could, I would like to show y'all my heart and try to understand every single thing of me. I don't really wish to harp or repeat it again, because that will make me feel as if it just happened yesterday only. Forget is what I want right now. To sum up, what's right and what's wrong, I don't know anymore. Even though I know it's right to do this for the sake of myself, I will still consider the 'wrong' part and try whether it can be fixed again or not. But what's next? I lose myself. Where's my stand? What's my stand? I really don't know. 

I guess I'm having internal conflict within myself right now. Sounds pathetic, but that's true. I've decided not to hope for anything anymore. Not even expectations or happiness. Let it be, let it flow. Efforts? I guess not, I'm tired. That will then makes everyone happy, to do what they want to do. Hope for the best and everything will be fine and back to normal. Time will tell.

200 pounds beauty is me!

I believe you've seen this before in my facebook recently. I don't know why am I so proud of this photo. LOL. But if I have a chance to become like this, I don't think i would want to become one? OBVIOUSLY! Anyway, it was a joke of the day. Instead of being glam, prim and proper all the time, I shall let loose and have some fun. Life would be pretty easy and cheerful isn't? And I love to see people's reactions, either they are being confused whether it's real me or not, or their laughters and comments. Because those actually cheer me up! PS: If there's any guy who's willing to marry me even if I'm under this condition, I'll marry him too! HAHAHA!

I MUST!

3rd year 2nd semester officially starts today and this will be my last semester in RP! I'm already feeling bored before the lesson starts, tell me how to chiong and get A everyday? It's just so hard to be consistent! BUCK UP BUCK UP BUCK UP for a better GPA!

Cock up brainies

I'm sorry that I'm not a frequent blogger and that I always leave my blog dead. A lot of times I have things to share, but when I can blog, it's either I'm too lazy or suddenly blank. Anyway, Kuching trip was awesomely fun! I love the food there ttm and was very happy to meet my relatives after so long! Can't really believe September jet by that fast and it's October now. 

School's opening in a week and I'm not quite ready yet. Oh, I'm performing for Reflections- Muse, modern dance item end of this month. It was kinda last minute for me to join back because I didn't know my instructor actually blocked me into the dance already. Therefore I have to get back and catch up with the rest since performance is within a month! My muscles became weak and stamina deteriorated already after stopped dancing for about 4 months. I was quite surprised that everyone improved and yet I'm still at the same spot. Oh well. 

Results for previous semester is out. Yes, I didn't maintain, for the first time. Now I've really gotta buck up for the last semester and achieve at least GPA 3.8 or above to pull up my overall GPA, irregardless whether I'm going Uni or not. I must.
 
On the other hand, just a random thought down here; I can never see myself settling down with another person ever, be it now or in future. Because I can never trust anyone 100 percent fully at all. One thing about me: I always want to stay within my comfort zone, so whenever I have difficulties or obstacles, I will always want to run back to my comfort zone. Imagine if I were to fight or quarrel with my husband next time, I will definitely want to go back to my own home, to where my mom is. Yes believe me I will do that, no matter how old I am. Even now, everytime I quarrel with him, I will always want to go back to my place and just forget about it, about everything. I'm not a risk-taker person. I would rather be safe than taking any risk, or should I say, I would rather have nothing, than having something that hurts me or give me hell. Fuck you if you dis me, cuz that's just me. (: I won't say you're so ugly cuz your parents are ugly, cuz that's just you. So yea. Leave me alone. (: Maybe I really won't want to settle down, who knows right. I like it this way, do whatever I want and leave whenever I want to. Cuz there's no obligation, no commitment.

September's here!

September is a hectic month I would say. The first two weeks have already suffocated me as if there's no more oxygen left! I was working in COMEX IT Fair from 2nd to 5th September selling Fujitsu laptops. The crowd was really crazy during the fair. However not MANY people are buying our laptops as you know, it's a little pricey due to the quality, durability and its brand. Anyway I gained a manly voice from the fair and was kinda sick too. I realized that I hate crowd. I get impatient when people are so ignorant and noisy. Well that's the whole idea of the fair. I had to repeat, introduce and convince customers about the products and get them to buy as well. And I realized I don't quite like doing sales because I hate begging people. haha! But there's one thing I love the most is getting to know new people around and make friends. It's so fun to know others, observe and talk to them. Especially the place I worked during the fair, there are different types and levels of people, be it age, network, career and education. I love to gain different kind of knowledge/information from them, to see how and what they are doing right now and compare with myself, to know what are the differences and similarities. From here, I can at least get some ideas and experience from them. On top of that, I will know whether I am lacking behind or doing the right thing or not. Surprisingly, I miss my colleagues,except for customer snatchers. LOL! They all are nice people and willing to help me whenever I need to. 

Anyway I sold 17 laptops in 3 and a half day; I went off early the last day, too tired and voiceless. Overall I at least earned 300+ bucks I think. Next, I'll be working in Food Fair @ Suntec City, again. This time round is for my part time job company Chocolato. Chiong-ing for money currently to cover up my expenses. Yes, overspent on ridiculous facial treatment. In between these, I'm having exams too, 3 more to go I hope I can juggle between both work and studies! After that, a week trip back to Kuching! I love how September overloads me! (:
 
Talking about this month, I totally have no idea on how to celebrate my birthday. I have a group of friends here and there, they are all over the place and I really don't know how to decide! My class is having a chalet from 22nd to 24th and they want me to go over. I have a group of friends here in hostel and according to our tradition, we usually celebrate together unless we're in overseas. And, Dom and his friends as well. HOW AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I think the best way is to NOT celebrate at all, or i'll just celebrate alone. hmm. HAHA! IDK! Alright, shall blog again when I feel like.

 

Taken from Denise's blog. 27.08.10 Happy belated 2nd anniversary D!

Ohana! :D

I love how the family protects over me when they think he's bullying me. The mom will always make sure that I'm treated well else she will slaughter him; The dad will always ensures that everything is fine and reminds me that he's actually a good boy and if he treats me bad he will slaughter him, too. The sister always motivates, assures me and help pull myself together when I'm not okay. I love how we have heart to heart talk at nights, be it with the dad only, or Mom or Denise. The dad told me that they are always on my side, and D is on his own, so if anything happens, they are always there. haha how cute! The mom even investigated him and thought that he has something on out there! They always tell me that I'm a part of their family and thank me for being so patient with him. haha! This is just like my second home here. I feel loved and assured. (: Even the dog is on my side everytime we quarrel! She will just only bark at him non stop, be it my fault or his. I never regret knowing this lovely family; how much unconditional lovessss they have given me, experiences and knowledge that they taught me, it's countless. I dare to say that I love them more than I love him, to be frank. I'm so lucky to have them. (:

I'm going to leave you for good, someday, somehow, I can do it; watch me.

My chum

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…"

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia) Extracted from Matilda's tumblr. Great post isn't. I've always thought that soul mate has to be the one that shares common interests and hobbies with you, do the same things together and think alike as you. However, that's not true at all though. A soul mate should be the one that makes you a better person; and even if you face obstacles, he/she should always be there to lift you up as if you are able to tackle the world no matter what. The best kind of love is the love that has no expectations at all. So have you found yours? (:

Final Year Project ended, finally. Presentation went quite smooth and thanks to the sleepless nights, I have extremely dark circles now. 4 more days to 3 weeks holidays, then 1 week exam and next 4 weeks holidays again. The only thing I would wish to do is hibernation BUT! too bad I gotta work and read up for next FYP. I did quite bad for this semester I'm sure. My daily grades are quite awful and UT grades aren't that acceptable as well, at least to me. This means that my GPA will drop again, gotta buck up for the last semester already since I'm graduating. I wonder whether I can get into U or not. Everyone keeps pressurizing me about getting a degree. So far it's not really in my list though. At times I hate people asking me what am I gonna do after graduating from poly because I really don't know yet. I feel that my path is so vague and unsure. I'm sure that I am able to enter U with my current GPA, it's just whether I want it or not. Main reason is money. They told me I could work first and save money for degree next time, which I doubt it's easy. Imagine with your salary minuses off your accommodation, living expenses and transportation. How much can you exactly save per month or year? Kinda unrealistic to me. Loan? I don't like the feeling of owing people for life, it's just like everyday debts. Considering part time degree. I REALLY DON'T KNOW. Another reason is that, I don't feel like studying anymore. HAHA! well, to be more exact, I don't know which path to choose; definitely not IT, and business is a lil hmm neutral. I'm more of an artsy person, definitely will be interested in those events or production side. But, in the end it still links back reason 1. On the brighter side, D is going to Kuching with me this September! My mom is more excited than me, like seriously. She offered and kept asking me to make him go hmm. Well hopefully we will enjoy the food and hospitality there, except for my aunties & uncles' all the 'wa-grown-up-and-so-tall-already-ah'! Mom is switching to a new environment, well not exactly new but I'm still happy for her. Finally she made a right decision and stood on her ground. It's funny that she always ask for my opinion and tells me everything nowadays. D said she's just like a sister to me. She always respect my decision and never really stops me from doing anything since young. I guess she trusts me and treats me like an adult. YAY! Till here then. Tata! (:

wimman

A lot of times I thought I get angsty when I'm having PMS. After doing experiment/statistic for months, I can conclude that it's not my PMS that causes problems. At least I'm not being unreasonable.

Almost there

Hi ya all people! Days have been very stressing and just 1 more week I'm free from FYP! omgg dying to get out of this even though I know I'm gonna be dead during evaluation day! Haven't been getting enough sleep lately as well. All I wish is to get my coding done asap. Holiday is in 2 weeks time and I can't wait toooo!

Alarm

Full of hopes, not to forget, false hopes too. 40 60 shall start from now, again.

beyond everything

Sometimes you find it very troublesome and annoying to do certain things for someone that is totally out of your way. However, for the loved one, you, subconsciously willing to sacrifice, go all the way and ignore the difficulties that may happen during the process. When you're done you came to think that it is all worthwhile actually. As long as that person is happy, you're happy too. That's love isn't? It's all about compromising, faithful, passionate, hope, intimacy, trust, honesty, romance, fondness, responsibility and roles. Sometimes I wonder do all of these have to be there in order to sustain a relationship/marriage? What if one goes haywire, is it still valid after all? What if there are more to this? For instance, jealousy, betrayal, hatred, temptation, affair, despair, selfish, dull and doubt. These are the factors that actually affect a relationship/marriage the most I'm sure. Is there a model way to settle this? Close one eye or to confront? I think both are hard for a person to gulp in as well. How nice if we can google for the perfect answer. HAHA! I guess it's a combination of hot and cold thingy. Life is such a paradox!

LGMH (:

"Tell me what you think about my future." "For you, you're a happy person. Especially when you're with your husband, you will always be happy and cheerful." "Why?" "It is because you value things, you value and appreciate for who he is." "Ahh I see." "When your husband sees you happy, he himself will be very happy too. That's why your husband will want to work even harder for you, just to give you the best." "How do you know?" I questioned again with a doubtful thought. He laughed out loud with red face. "Are you referring to yourself?" He laughed damn hard again and smiled from ear to ear. ME SO HAPPY! :D Because he doesn't behave that sweet at all usually. Imagine a guy who plays games and guitar all the time, totally impatient, not romantic at all and don't shop or follow you whenever you go. OKAY I WAS JUST EXAGGERATING. LOL! He picks me up after work every single time irregardless how late it is, he buys/tapao food so that I don't go hungry, he waits for me during lunch so that we can eat together everyday, he comforts me whenever I'm down, he bought a bouquet of roses for me after my performance, he always let me win whenever we fight verbally or physically, he makes fun of my flaws and still tell me that they are cute and special and yada yada yada. *goosebumps* Okay all I wanted to say is that he's very sweet. (: This post will be totally opposite from the previous post I guess. I'm much better now, as in mentally. Sometimes you just got to leave yourself alone and think through about everything. At least this works for me. Like they said, take your time and go with the flow; don't push yourself too much. All I can say is things are falling into places gradually. Why not slow and steady win the race.(: Things are sailing smoothly except for my FYP. The deadline is in 2 weeks time and I'm still hanging there. =S I can predict my upcoming days already. Sighh. Nevermind, food can make me happy. :|

Everything seems so tall and high up

I think I'm lost. Have you ever have the feeling where you have no motivation or will to do everything? Yes, every single thing. Much to my disgust, I just feel like letting go of everything. FYP, studies, dance, life; Zero, to a point that I feel like dropping out from school. I've been missing from dance lessons for at least a month, skipping few classes ever since school started. A lot of times I know things are urgent and I need to get it done asap, but for the next moment I am very reluctant to do it even though it's going to cause me a bomb or hell lots of troubles. I wonder what has gotten into me. I hate my brain. It always has the power to lure me to the dark side when I'm doing fine, to a point that I think I'm a sadist. Whenever I'm stable and doing fine, I will start to have pessimistic mindset and it drives me crazy. I can't help it because to me, everything is too good to be true. It is either momentary only, or gotta be some motives behind for being this way. Tell me what to do. I think I have problem with myself right now. Internal conflict? Ha. Sucks to be me. How I wish time can fly back past few months where I was very optimistic, motivated and eager to do what I'm doing right now. Guess life does have its ups and downs. I need to see something/situation that is worse than what I THINK I am in right now, then I'll appreciate what I'm going through currently. Tell me how to pull myself together. :( No you can't pretend that the airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars because they are really airplanes. Face the fact.

Just like an ocean..

I'll start to tweet once I get my Iphone! :D I think. HAHA! This is gonna be a short post because I don't wanna write more, else I'll be start complaining, as usual. TATA!

Woah!

After a month and I'm back here, that's so early! My laziness rocks all the time! I realized that I only blog during lesson. This proves how boring lesson is and can never focus anymore. There will be a few overdue photos below thanks to my laziness! Holidays were not bad; work, slack and enjoyed with love! Btw, cheese is the love right now! :D

Momentum 2010

Flowers from <3! When we're bored... Dom's bday!

Here, my GF! :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GIRL!

Fruitfulitacious!

The sky is so punctual it rains every afternoon. I think the earth is dying soon, changes between hot and cold with a blink of an eye. I won't be surprised if Singapore snows. Don't you think that life is equivalent to weather? Full of roller coaster rides. Just when you think your life is as smooth as silk, obstacles, hiccups or people will just come spice up and beautify your life. I really gotta thank those people, those obstacles and difficulties I encountered, that make me stronger as a person as well as owning a grown up brain. (: From the bottom of my heart, thank you very much. I am so glad and appreciate with what I have right now; friends, family, loves one and not to forget hiccups in life too! Especially Denise, who always open up my eyes and heart, taught me how to see good in people/things rather than behaving pessimistically. and D, who taught me how to settle things with sense and logically but not emotionally. I learned not to give up things easily when there are obstacles in front. Instead, I learned how to overcome and settle it. By behaving this way, not only you will improve, you will grow up as a person as well. <3 Hostel babes, who always listen to my complaints and problems, share my joys, tears and nonsenses 24/7 unconditionally! Brunei loves, although we're an ocean apart, they will still pop out randomly just to update each other; you know who you are (: Family, who always support me under any circumstances. ps: This is not a will. HAHA! :D

Yum!

Yes I'm working later on, finally! Wish me luck! :D

@ here, scooping ice-cream. (: Winnie, does this logo look familiar?

well well well

I love this! muahaha! :D aiming for the whole sem AAAAAAA! :D TGIF but I have dance training later! Knees and muscles, please love me.

Fly away!

YAY I finally flew a kite! Well, to be precise, 2 kites. Just when I was in a hyper mood seeing the kite flew higher than the HDB flat, then it flew away due to my clumsiness as I accidentally let go off my hands when holding the string. It was hilarious looking at the handle flew together with the kite and Dom had to run and catch it like mad but failed. The wind was too strong and it flew away just like that. I wonder where did the kite go after that? Hit some random car on the road? stuck on the tree? Or fly into a hdb flat. HAHA! Denise brought down a mat and Hazel tagged along after that. I did not want it to end just like that because everyone was there! So D went to get moolah and we got another kite from 7-11 again. Yeap we flew and ran happily. :D Next aim, picnic with sandwiches and juice! Oh, he's gonna bring me to get my eyes fixed this saturday I'm getting blind! Er short-sighted actually.

hello mini eyes hotdog lips square centralized face! :D

Suck my brain!

What's best for me? I really don't know. I'm so bored in class I have nothing to do! Facebook is boring. Msn is boring. Class is boring. Life is stressful and boring. It's Friday today but I don't feel like TGIF. I feel like making myself more busy nowadays. Asked a friend of mine to find a part-time job for me. Hope I can get it and no back out! Emo period? I don't know. Is ignorance really bliss? I only feel loved from dance. Period.

Make Lemonade Puhleaseee!

If you're wondering whether Susan is alive, yes she still is. Year 3 isn't that easy as I thought. Other than facilitators' expectations and standards increased, I have a Final Year Project to deal with throughout the whole semester as well. What do I do in my FYP? Nothing much other than the fantabulous programming and IT; GPS Tracking System. Yes, my FAVOURITE of all. It's effing hard to understand what our advisor wants and whatever we learned do not really help much too! Republic Poly ain't a Relax Poly at all. On the other hand, I have to be damn on and attentive participative active contributive questionative whateverative in class in order to score A for daily grade everyday, EVERYDAY! I need energy booster I feel so lost! :( I chose the wrong course I swear. Business Information Systems? More like Business Information Systems/Computing! Look at my face! Do I look like an IT person? -.-I know I have always been complaining but I just feel like it? If I'm doing something that I like even though it's tough, I don't mind at all, but it's IT! Oh well. Face it. Lemonade, remember! :D Anyway, I had a goody good day yesterday, more like a de-stress day; spent my evening with the girls though it was my anniversary. <3 love them! :D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA don't you just love me! :D

Geeky!

Short post here. Performance was good and enjoy being on the stage, as usual. Photos are uploaded and spread like fire in fb already, if you have my fb. :D School is finally gonna reopen soon, next Thursday! sigh. Same routine all over again. Hopefully I will like the modules that I chose for this semester and most of all, to have new lovely classmates too. (: oh oh, my off day is on Wednesday! Classes on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday wuhooo! Financial Accounting Marketing Business Process Model Human Resources Information Systems

What's up?

Lemon lemonade bumble bee!

"When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade." That's the line I always use to brainwash myself whenever I receive lemons. Who said life is easy? Life is never easy at all. To me, it's either do or die. I came to learn a lot of things; Good and kind people are not easy to be, people tend to take things for granted and do according their ways as though it is right to do when you're too nice to them. Then sooner or later they climb on top of you and stomp you to death. The world is realistic and selfish much uh. I've actually typed out a lot in this post but I pressed the delete key again. Maybe I just realized that I have too much fire burning inside I guess. I should just stop this bad habit for having the hatred feelings and be more optimistic. I apologize if I ever hurt anyone of you with words when things are not right. Please understand that I'm a straight forward person and that I always expect perfection. People say I'm a result-based person. I don't care how much efforts you've put in and how much hell you've gone through during the process, as long as the result is the desired one, I'm cool. To get things done, you just have to be chop chop and frank and no nonsense should be accepted. That's my theory. (: I know I've fired and bombed a lot of people recently during rehearsals and runs, but can't blame me because we expect you to be extremely well-prepared by now since tomorrow is the performance and it's gonna be a two days event! If you have problems with it then come and find me beforehand. I don't mind to teach and help you. I really hate those who are very irresponsible and yet they still want to take up this responsibility. Burden or what? You might as well don't take anything at all and I'll be the happiest human alive. Anyway, things are getting better now after all the drills and screws. I hope tomorrow's show will be a success. Else, efforts wasted. Break a leg! :D Oh about the Malacca trip, it was fun! I had a lot of makans and the food there best! I didn't do any shopping at all though. I had my eyelashes permed for the first time and enjoyed foot spa manicure pedicure. :D I don't mind going there again and this time round I'm gonna try to visit the places where it's well-known. Pictures were already uploaded in fb eons ago. Shall blog again after this week, hopefully. (:

Contented

It's 6.15am right now and I'm still awake. My body clock is pretty much screwed up hope I wont die so early. Blog seems quite dead-ish because no one's tagging at all, but I know there are people visiting everyday, at least 10 according to site meter. not bad at least uhh. :D Still, thank you. Tomorrow's Malacca trip is on, but I have yet to tell my mom about it! Gotta call to tell her later. Meeting my aunt at the airport to pass her my mom's stuffs this afternoon, means I have to wake up early! I'm having a hard time walking right now. Why does everything have to be clashed together? Because of my left leg I can't really dance right now and I'm pretty sure this will be a burden during the trip as well! I can feel the pain starts coming from the right leg now. =( Anyhowww, thanks to D for massaging mai leg and put on salonpas for me every night though I don't feel there's any differences haha. Tomorrow's trip will be D and I's first trip to overseas (although it's only a bridge ahead anyway, he said). Looking forward to it, I AM SHOOO EGGCITED! Well, he's treating me like a princess recently that's why I'm quite perky. HAHAHA! Hope I'll enjoy the trip !

Ain't he cute and naive back then?

Now?

tsk tsk tsk.

It's six porty-pive am right now and I really should catch some sleeeep! Mornight readers!

Currently..

I always have so much to blog in mind when I'm away from my laptop but when I'm in front of my laptop, my mind is always blank. Well life's treating me good recently except for this part; I sprained my left ankle. Not exactly the ankle but it's above the heel, the part where you can feel the nerves and veins. If you get what I mean. It stings! It feels like it's pumping and biting my veins every second even though I'm not walking at all. All of time but now. Great. I'm gonna miss dance lesson today, sigh. I might be going to Malacca this thursday! Well even though I've booked and paid for the ticket already but I'm still hesitating. FYI, I'll be taking a luxury tour bus from sg. Mom said she's worried about the long distance and my safety. She said I decide on my own. I'm not going alone though, Dom and our friend will be going too, and we will meet up dom's parents over there. See, isn't that bad right? What should I do? I'll feel bad for mom if I go! =\ She's always worried about things though, no matter what. Guess I shall just go ahead, since she said I decide myself? :D I should just enjoy while I can isn't. OKAY, GOING IT IS I! :D Means, I'll be missing 2 dance lessons again. And I'll be freezing another dance again! omg! Here goes again! =S

Happy is me!

I had a sweet time with daddy today! Yeap just the both of us. We had lunch together, chatted and watch movie in the afternoon. FROM PARIS WITH LOVE is a good show to watch, recommended! Dad was so shocked and couldn't recognize John Travolta (one of the male leads) in the movie until I showed him his previous photo. Daddy is so cute he said he wants to be like John Travolta because he's damn big size with a bald head and mustache now! I made cheesecake yesterday. It was a success, I guess? It looks good and tastes delicious, BUT! the crust does not stick onto the cheese it's all over the place! Guess I need to put a lot more butter next time. I'll try to make different flavour for the next one! :D I think i enjoy baking cakes now haha! I'm going back very very soon, like next week? Sigh. Life life. If there's a job as a slacker I'm the first person to apply it I swear! Can I just retire now? HAHA! Reality sucks. And hopefully thing gets better when I get back to sg!

Unwind

I complain others for not blogging for such a long time, and I myself didn't do my part as well. HAHA! Fruitful day today I guess. Went to the mall to get my stuffs since noon. @ Cheezbox now, chilling alone. (: supposed to book air flights, but I forgot to bring my passport out. great. Well, slacking right here. Kinda like self-therapy thing. HAHA! Oh I dropped my $50 ang pow fug! wasted. =( My days here were great! Other than non stop eating, I rot and watch drama/anime at home and I enjoy it much. Hanged out with friends was a bonus too! Stayed over at Karen's; we gossiped, watched movie and girls talk! :D Had high tea at Empire Hotel with the girls as well. Life's great right now, but sinful! Brunei is really a place for you to run away from reality, at least it is to me. (: Thinking of going back to SG make me stress, but I don't wanna stay in Brunei for tooo long as well. :S Confused much! I want to get a driviing license here but mom said I don't need that as I won't be driving in SG. sian. nvm, she/my bro shall be my driver then! HAHA! I'm supposed to get my wisdom teeth extracted soon, but I'm scared! should I should I? To tolerate the process and swollen face for few days, or to tolerate the constant pain for don't-know-how-long? sigh! I think Brunei's weather is really hot for me. Not that Sg's is not hot, but I think it's hotter here. I have pimples on my face and it's all over the place right now! >=( okay blame the weather! =p So much to do, so little time! =\

:D

Sitting down in Coffee bean @ KL airport, waiting for the next flight @ 3pm! Dead tired and sleepy. Can't wait to see everyone! :D I suppose there should be fireworks and fire crackers tonight! :D I'm shoo lucky I think I can win in gambles! :D Gonna be a BOOMZ! :D Internet speed here is super slow. I bet Brunei's sucks big time too omggg! :( Oh I'm very reddish now! Red nails, red watch and red bag! I LOIKKE! wee~ :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D!

End of Year 2!

OMG! Exams finished! :DDDDD No more burden for now! I know that my GPA gonna drop like shit this sem but I dont care cuz I'm going home tomorrowwwww! =D Away from Sg away from stresssses! :D Gonna meet mummy and family! :D Gonna rot and play! :D No more tears and angers! :D Depression shoooo! :D Heep heep hoorayyyy! :D I am so happy my blood is rushing I want to jump like there's no tomorrow! :D Away from reality! muahahha! :D Anyway, I've gotta choreo dance, do events, attend dance lessons, deal shits, projects and most probably work when I come back to Sg again. BIG SIGH I AM TIRED! Screw all those. LOL. =p Oh well just leave those behind and I shall enjoy my holidays back in brunei first! Good chance to slow down and tone myself down as well. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB ME! unless there's fun, call me! You know my phone number rightt! hehehehheehheehe. >:) HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PEOPLE! I WANT ANGPAOS MANY MANY MANY OKAY! MUAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Suffocated

Probably the darkest moment in my life! SOS! ='( someone cheer me up make me happy keep me busy tell me happy things distract me pls!

I WANT TO...

- dye my hair. - get a hair cut. - paint my nails. - to have no pimples and scars. - have no stress and pressure. - sleep for the whole day long, 24 hours! - stay healthy always. - have everything that I want.

It's ok for me to have everything I want

falling sick, again. -.-

Confined

2 more weeks to go and there goes Chinese New Year! Seriously, I do not have CNY mood at all. Sg doesn't give me CNY feels. This just kicked into my brain like yesterday only. I haven't get myself new year clothes as well. Not planning to though. (: I'll be back on 13th Feb CNY eve, celebrating in Miri with family and cousins. Dad is not tagging along because his has no passport. -.- Oh well. I'll most probably be staying in Brunei for a month only, planning to get a part time job in Sg. Hopefully this time is the real one! Always wanted to get a job for extra income but unfortunately, performances and events always occupy me. One after another. I love it and somewhat hate it at the same time for keeping me busy and have no extra time for other things.

Yes, I'm involved in an event (Assimilation Program '10) this coming holiday, again. Dragged in by them and I have no choice. Guess there will be a second thought about my part-time job thingy again. Urgh. I can never get this done at all.

Meantime, I feel damn guilty for my mom. She misses me so much but I can't do much for her. I think she wants me to stay in Brunei as long as I could, meaning the whole holiday of mine would be the best, but then I don't think I will allow myself to rot at home and behaving unproductively. Plus, I'm going to 3rd year, I'm pretty sure that I'll have project to do before the school starts too. Mom never fails to shower me with love, care and money. Basically, she showers me with all she has; she makes sure I have enough money and meals everyday; she calls just to catch up with me every week; always being paranoid and thought that I don't eat just to save money -.- ; texts me randomly just to tell me what is she doing; being paranoid on the phone again and thought that I broke up with him because I sounded tired and sad on phone after my dance lesson -.- ; she tells me not to study tooo hard and not to give myself too much pressure. I thought I'm supposed to study hard and get good grades and yet she's encouraging me to slack. HAHA! ; She reminds me how many days left I'll be back to Brunei every holidays; The cutest conversation I've ever had on the phone: 'Xian ah, are you very stressed?' 'erm, okay okay la. why?' 'Oh. Which floor do you live?' '6th floor.' 'Wa. Is it very high? Quite high right?' 'Not really. Just nice. Windy.' 'If you're very stressed and can't take it anymore, don't jump okay. You can come back to Brunei and accompany me. You can work or study here as well, then we both can have breakfast every morning together and then you can send me to work after that. ' '-.- MOM! please la. I still wanna live okay. Don't think so much la! LMAO!' See, how cute is she? Where to get such MOM? Mommy is always the best! She's waiting to cook delicious dishes for me when I'm back to Brunei! :D :D :D Oh oh, my brother and daddy tooo! No matter how worn out and stressed I am here, I know that back there, there will always be people ready to back me up and support me. :D

even though we have hell lot of ups and downs as well, you never give up on me too, cacat. <3

NONSENSE

I really don't know what's right or wrong right now. It seems wrong to behave like this and yet it's not right to not do anything. All I know is that truth hurts isn't it. Feel like I'm cheated. Great. Human is such a bitchy creature. They take things for granted; they don't treasure what they have in front of them but thirst for things that they can't have. It's the thought that counts. Too much is never enough uh. Guess they like to play this kind of game. Don't be too greedy, else you will get nothing in the end. Prove it to me if you think you're right and clean. Wish you luck.

I AM HERE.

LOL! Yes I'm still alive. Just that kinda lazy to blog or too busy. I believe that you guys can get any updates from my facebook right? I'm more active in fb apparently. So i think this blog is somehow unnecessary already. =\ However, I still visit my blog everyday though. LOL. Still, big thanks to those who still visit my blog everyday just to check whether I update or not. Sank kew veri mach! :D Exams are happening these two weeks and I'm totally unprepared! I have no idea how to start. -.- At the same time, am having lots of rehearsals for events too. Great. I guess I should just give up on studies and move forward to performing arts side. Maybe this might excites me more. :D Okay, below is the summary of what I've done during December 09. :D

ISF 2009

My choreography, Chinese dance; Mo Li Hua. Modern Dance; Ai Pia Jia Eh Yia. International peeps. <3 W65G Class Outing @ Marina Barrage Chong Pin Jia's Invasion; Shopping, makan, outings, broke! First ever Xiao Long Bao. yummm! Modern Dance X'mas Party; Masquerade! Steamboat during New Year Eve @ Dom's and.. my forever retarded <3. :D

Oh well, feel like it's still 2009 though. To me, it makes no big difference. I don't have any new year or 2010 resolution and stuffs because I don't believe in this kind of thing. It doesn't work for me apparently. HAHA! Guess 'procrastinator, slacker, complainer, angsty' will forever be with me. It's impossible to change la, please. :D 2010, just hope that I live it to the fullest, that's all. :D *shucks, gotta get back to studies, dance, events and rehearsals. -.-*